Diet Plan, or Lack There Of....

I would like to lose 20 pounds by Friday, any suggestions? ...short of amputation, and/or giving up sugar, bread, or three meals a day...or some other crazy idea like that...as if...
P.s. The gym and I are 'working it out' with some pretty intense therapy sessions....it was just a trial separation, but I still think I deserve to be treated better than this, my imaginary counselor is totally on my side! I went back, despite my initial response...I have to have something to do while my cake is cooling in anticipation of cream cheese frosting.
P.p.s WHY is the food network one of the stations they offer for our gym viewing enjoyment?
P.p.p.s. Why do I watch the food network while I work out with five other channels to choose from? I think tonight I'll just bring the stinking cake to the gym, and just fork that into my mouth while I glide away....save myself the trouble, and a it's a much more efficient means of time management. I'll switch the fork between both hands in order to give each forearm an adequate workout!
P.p.p.p.s. Do they amputate hips? I'm rethinking the means of losing 20 pounds by Friday if they do. If not, I'll be waiting for that quick fix to the long term problem.