Monday, March 08, 2010

I Almost Died of Boredom....and Other Tales from the Gym...

I went to the gym on Saturday after Saturday School, and before the nap I scheduled three weeks ago (true story). I haven't slept in since December, and I won't sleep in until Friday Easter weekend (when I've schedule my next nap). So, what I really wanted to do was start that nap, but...I went to the gym. Oh, I forgot to tell you to tune your violin, this story is a real heart squeezer.
So I went to the gym, anticipating my nap.
I got on the elliptical to watch my daily dose of food network. It's the closest I get to good food these days (minus one or ten cooking projects I try out each week, but in my mind...I suffer...I suffer much.). Guess what? NO FOOD NETWORK. Some less than wonderful human had changed the channel (that says "don't touch") that's ALWAYS on food network to the LIFETIME channel. Gag me....pluck all my nose hair out....squeak your pencil....I just am NOT a Lifetime fan! At....all. The other five stations? SPORTS. I do like sports, but not enough to appreciate the Pre-Game to the PRE-GAME show...I kid you not. And TV #7....NANCY GRACE. Look, she makes me laugh...but there isn't a lot to laugh about on an elliptical machine. I couldn't do it. For 20 minutes I tortured myself...and then...I quit because I'm in charge of me! 'Me' wasn't havin' it. I was too scared of the other people at the gym to try to change the channel.
I went back on Sunday, and out of desperation found out that Pandora is a free app on the iphone. George Strait sang me through the elliptical and the treadmill, and all was right with the world...until my ear buds starting sending shocks through my left ear. Have you ever been shocked in the inner ear?
I just think the gym is bad for my mental and physical health.
I think God should reconsider how we gain and lose weight.
I think the world should reconsider sugar's impact on our eating habits.
I think that cookies should replace oatmeal for breakfast.
I think I need more elastic in my wardrobe.
I think I'll skip the gym tonight.
...there's only so much a girl can take.

0 comments: